Maxx (interviewer): "Alright, folks, buckle up, because we’re about to dive deep into the latest theory from Kirsten Toepperwein, the guy who thinks stars are cosmic vending machines for thought travel. No, seriously, this one’s for the history books—or the sci-fi shelves, depending on how you want to look at it. He’s talking about wormholes, shungite, DNA, and some photon laser in reverse that supposedly zaps you into oblivion and spits you out on the other side of the universe, all based on how high your 'frequency' is. So, who wants to tackle this? Vonnegut, I see you squirming."
Vonnegut: "Jesus. Here we go again, another theory where the stars are something other than big balls of flaming gas. Look, I’ve seen people try to turn chaos into order, but this? Thought travel? The stars forming wormholes? He might as well have just written 'so it goes' on the entire fabric of time and space and called it a day."
Leary: "No, no, Kurt, you're missing the point. Thought travel is exactly what we’ve been doing all along—acid, mushrooms, DMT. That was just the warm-up! If the stars can really open wormholes, then consciousness is the true spacecraft. You don't need a rocket ship when you're tuned into the cosmic frequency. Just... be there."
Ken Kesey: "Yeah, man, that’s the magic bus in the sky. It’s like you plug your brain into the cosmic outlet, and bam—you’re somewhere else before you even know it. And if the science lines up with the stars, why not? Weirder things have happened."
Thompson: "This reeks of a bad trip gone worse. I can see the headlines now: 'Man Dematerializes in Front of Portal, Body Nowhere to Be Found.' Hell, the CIA would love it—just think of the teleportation possibilities in the drug war. But come on, thought travel? That’s a whole new level of dangerous. Your brain is a bad neighborhood, Maxx, and no one should be wandering around there without a guide."
Tom Robbins: "Oh, but isn’t that the beauty of it? Thought, free from the shackles of time. It’s seductive. The stars as nodes, shungite as the conductor—alchemy for the modern age. We’re all trying to escape the cage of linear time, aren’t we? Kirsten just gave us the map. The idea’s wild, but every revolution starts with a wild thought."
Terence McKenna: "Exactly! Finally, someone’s talking sense. This is the next logical step in our psychedelic journey, Maxx. We’ve been skirting around this for decades. Time isn’t real; it’s a construct, a prison. If Toepperwein is right, and the stars hold the keys to wormholes, then thought—pure thought—becomes the master of the universe. Imagine it! We could transcend our bodies, go anywhere, anywhen, with nothing but our consciousness as the engine."
Clive Barker: "Oh, it sounds like Hellraiser meets 2001: A Space Odyssey. The horror, Maxx, isn’t the travel—it’s what happens when the mind is unleashed with no body to hold it down. The stars may open the door, but what comes crawling through? Thought without form, without anchor—there’s something unsettling about it. The limits we’ve known, they exist for a reason."
Joe Rogan: "I’ve got to say, I’m on board with this. I’ve been talking about this on my podcast—wormholes, frequencies, all of it. It makes sense if you think about it. We’re just tapping into what’s always been there. The fact that the mainstream hasn’t caught up yet? Well, that’s on them. Thought travel is the future, man."
Elon Musk: "Theoretically, if we could manipulate the quantum fabric of space-time, travel through a wormhole might not just be possible, it could be practical. But calling it 'thought travel'—that’s a stretch. I’m all for pushing boundaries, but we need a framework. It's fascinating though. If we could understand it, we could revolutionize space travel."
Maxx (interviewer): "So, let me get this straight. According to Toepperwein, we’re standing in front of a vortex with some rocks in our pockets, thinking real hard, and—zap—we’re off on some interdimensional vacation? Sounds like the lovechild of pseudoscience and wishful thinking. Vonnegut’s probably shaking his head from the afterlife right now, but let’s say for a moment it’s real. Is this the next big thing? Or are we all just a bunch of cosmic weirdos circling the drain, waiting for the stars to align?
The following week on Maxx’s Spacebuuk Special, the cosmic weirdo himself, Maxx, has brought back the same illustrious panel for round two—but this time, Kirsten Toepperwein is in the hot seat, ready to defend his thought travel theory.
Maxx (interviewer): "Alright, gang, let’s cut to the chase. Last week, we got tangled up in semantics. Wormholes, thought travel, teleportation—we’re all arguing over words here. But let’s break it down to the bare bones. Kirsten, you’re saying that within this vortex, time doesn’t exist. Simple as that. You think where you want to go, and you're there. The universe, in all its cosmic brilliance, already has the answers—it’s flowing through everything, like some ethereal interweb. So, we just ride the wave of hydrogen molecules, and bam, once we hit the quantum gravitational field at the other end, our body gets reassembled. No mess, no fuss. Is that about right?"
Kirsten Toepperwein: "Exactly. The universe is a living, breathing thing. We’re not talking about mechanical processes here; we’re talking about harmony with the cosmic flow. When you enter the vortex, it’s like stepping into the bloodstream of the universe itself. Time, as you understand it, is irrelevant. The speed of thought is all that matters. You think of your destination and the universe responds."
Vonnegut: "The bloodstream of the universe,” Vonnegut snickers. "That’s rich. You’re telling me that this isn’t just some cosmic trap we’re all stuck in? The universe has it all figured out and we’re just, what? Hitching a ride?"
Toepperwein: "No, Kurt, it’s more like we’re waking up to what’s already been there. You see, we’ve been blinded by this idea of time as a linear force. But time doesn’t exist in the way we think—especially not within a vortex. It’s all about thought, intention, and the flow of energy. You will yourself to a place, and the universe complies. When your frequency matches the vortex, your body disassembles and reassembles seamlessly on the quantum side."
Leary: "It’s like I always said, man. Set and setting. Only this time, the setting’s not a trip, it’s the vortex. Once you're in sync with it, your body, your consciousness, everything just goes with the flow. You’re riding the cosmic current."
Hunter S. Thompson: "This has bad trip written all over it. So, Kirsten, what happens when someone’s ‘frequency’—as you put it—doesn’t match? You get halfway through the wormhole and, what, end up as space dust? This whole thing sounds like a one-way ticket to some interstellar nightmare. My bets are on that ‘instant reassembly’ going wrong more times than not."
Toepperwein: "You misunderstand. The frequency isn’t some mystical concept, it’s a reflection of your state of being. If you’re not aligned, you simply won’t enter the vortex at all. This is a natural process, like breathing. The universe doesn’t make mistakes—it’s us who complicate things with doubt and fear."
Terence McKenna: "Finally, someone gets it. The idea of time as an illusion is something we’ve danced around for decades. Kirsten is just putting a scientific face on what the ancients knew all along. Time is the prison we’ve built for ourselves, and the vortex is the key to escape. Thought is the engine, and the universe is the roadmap."
Tom Robbins: "And the beauty of it is in the simplicity. You think it, you are it. It’s the purest form of being. What you’re describing, Kirsten, is the ultimate freedom. Time doesn’t constrain us. Thought becomes action instantly. The only limits are the ones we impose on ourselves."
Joe Rogan: "You know, I’ve talked to a lot of people about these ideas—astronauts, scientists, philosophers—and this thought travel thing, it’s starting to make sense. If you strip away the concept of time, if you tap into the quantum field, why wouldn’t thought get you there? I mean, we already know the mind is incredibly powerful. The next step is making it practical."
Elon Musk: "Theoretically, if we accept that time doesn’t exist within the vortex, and that we can tap into the quantum nature of reality, reassembly on the other side isn’t impossible. We’re talking about manipulating the fundamental building blocks of matter. If we master that, then the mechanics of ‘thought travel,’ as Kirsten puts it, could have applications beyond even our wildest imagination."
Clive Barker: "Ah, but the devil’s in the details, isn’t it? You’ve laid out this grand cosmic web, but what happens when the web snaps? When the universe doesn’t play nice? Sure, maybe your body gets put back together on the other side, but what about the mind? Can you trust the universe to keep your consciousness intact as well?"
Maxx (interviewer): "Alright, Barker, let’s not go full horror show just yet. But it’s a fair question. Kirsten, are we really just supposed to trust this ‘cosmic wave of hydrogen molecules’? What if things go sideways?"
Toepperwein: "The universe is far more intricate and intelligent than we give it credit for. It’s not some malevolent force; it’s pure order, pure intention. If you step into that vortex with clarity and purpose, the universe responds in kind. There’s no error, no randomness. The idea that something could ‘go wrong’—that’s a fear born out of misunderstanding. Trust the process, and you’ll see there’s nothing to fear."
Maxx (interviewer): "So there you have it, folks. According to Kirsten, it’s not time travel, it’s thought travel, and the universe itself is doing all the heavy lifting. You think it, you’re there. Time’s an illusion, wormholes are real, and the only thing holding us back is our own inability to grasp how simple it all is. But hey, what do I know? I just work here."
Kirsten Toepperwein (final word): "Let me simplify it for you. Think of it like this: when you go on Google and ask what happened on July 3rd, 1973, in Phoenix, Arizona, what does the computer do? It accesses memory. In essence, it's thinking. And at the speed of thought, it pulls up information from 1973. No delay, no time travel involved—just instant recall.
Now, if you don't believe in the speed of thought, you’re essentially saying that a computer has outsmarted man and the universe itself. And that’s fundamentally wrong. The computer mimics the way the universe works, but the universe is the original—an eternal web of interconnected data and experiences. It doesn’t have to 'go back' to 1973 because it’s all there, all the time, ready to be accessed.
This is what I’m talking about with thought travel. The universe already holds everything—it’s constantly flowing in a cosmic web. You think where you want to go, and you're there. The only thing separating you from the destination is your belief that you’re bound by time. The universe doesn’t think in
terms of ‘before’ or ‘after.’ It just is. And so are we."
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